


Knowing is Enough

by siyuttov



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Bucky Barnes, M/M, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Shapeshifting, learning to actually communicate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:09:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6999010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siyuttov/pseuds/siyuttov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secrets can make any relationship difficult, especially when the secrets Tony's keeping include the feelings he has for his teammate. Of course, Bucky has his own share of secrets to keep. Not all secrets need to be kept forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing is Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [james](https://archiveofourown.org/users/james/gifts).



> This is my gift for the 2016 WinterIron Spring Fling!
> 
> I'm fulfilling the prompt "Animal transformation. Werewolves or centaurs or cats or bumblebees, go nuts" in full and taking some inspiration from another prompt they gave "No one knows that (one of them) is a were-(whatever animal you like). Keeping this secret causes problems with trusting his teammates and falling in love."
> 
> No direct spoilers for Civil War and not CACW compliant but there are influences from the movie.
> 
> It ended up being a little longer than I expected so I hope you guys enjoy!

It had been six months since Steve and Sam returned to the tower with an apprehensive and shy Bucky Barnes. In that time, Tony had fixed up his arm, given him a suite on Steve’s floor, and generally put a bit of effort into not being a complete asshole around him. It was the least he could do, really. Especially given the fact that he felt slightly guilty for not doing more to help Steve find Bucky in the first place.

Not that Tony was really blaming himself for that. It took some time to come to terms with the fact that Steve was out spending months at a time looking for the man that had killed his mom. Clint had called him up when Natasha tattled on him and reminded him that it was rude to hold what a brainwashed man did against them.

Still, it was only natural that Tony paid a lot of attention to Bucky. It had started with checking in with Friday that Bucky wasn’t trying to break into any part of the tower or Stark Industry’s servers. And then he saw the way it made Steve happy when he asked Bucky if he needed anything in his suite. It had nothing to do with the way he would feel his heart speed when Bucky came into the room, even if paying attention to Bucky was how he noticed the arm wasn’t functioning smoothly. It was only natural that he enjoyed spending time with him working on the arm; it was such amazing tech.

It had to be natural, because Tony couldn’t let himself get hurt again.

And Tony would get hurt. It happened each time he felt something for someone. It would only be worse with someone who was already keeping secrets.

Yes, Tony was paying too much attention to Bucky Barnes, but if he was it was only because he felt more comfortable knowing what was going on in his tower. No matter his true motives, Tony paying more than average attention to Bucky meant that he could tell that the other man was keeping secrets.

He could tell that Bucky was still holding back, but he was tempted to let it go. The man was still regaining his memories, was seeing a clinical psychologist twice a week, and was spending an increasing amount of time with the team after all. But something still wasn’t right.

Tony noticed that he would regularly disappear from team gatherings without telling anyone. While that was one thing after team meals and movie nights, it happened after battles too. One moment, Bucky would be on the comms, the next he would be gone with Steve and Natasha, always Steve and Natasha, vouching for his whereabouts. Then there was the way he avoided certain foods. At first he thought Bucky was just picky or had negative associations with foods after Hydra. Tony wouldn’t have really blamed him. He was just trying to determine what foods he should make sure to have alternatives for at team meals, but Bucky only avoided the things occasionally and Tony couldn’t find any pattern to it. Bucky usually loved sweets and chocolate, but sometimes wouldn’t touch them. He would just as often guzzle coffee in the morning as he would turn his nose up at it. Most of the time he claimed he hated fish, but Tony had caught him bringing high quality salmon onto his floor more than once.

He had asked Steve about it once, but Steve had only shrugged. Tony might have believed anyone else, but Steve was a terrible liar. It was the reason Tony had asked Steve about it instead of going to Bucky in the first place. Natasha had watched the conversation with a blank face that either meant she knew something and didn’t want to show it or she didn’t know something and didn’t want to show it. It was infuriating sometimes how good she was. Tony briefly considered asking Friday to open surveillance in Bucky’s suite, but he didn’t want to break Bucky’s trust like that. He didn’t want to lose the tentative friendship they had developed.

He loved the way Bucky’s eyes would sparkle as he took in the shear amount of food available at team dinners, something Tony suspected Bucky had never had access to before the war. Tony cherished the occasional shy smile he would get from Bucky as he finished diagnostic tests after a check up on the arm.

The best was this afternoon when Bucky had taken a deep breath and thanked him for everything he did. Tony had tried to interrupt that it wasn’t a big deal, but Bucky had shaken his head and insisted that Tony let him continue.

Bucky had stared at a spot on Tony’s shoulder and spoken in a near-monotonous fashion that suggested to Tony he had rehearsed it. “You’ve done a lot for me, Tony. And not just with your tower and your food and the arm. You’ve forgiven my past and you’ve been my friend. I’m thankful for that.” Bucky had stopped rather abruptly then, let out a lungful of air, and had quickly left the workshop. 

As grateful as Tony was, he couldn’t help but be suspicious. Bucky had cut himself off from speaking, like there had been another part that he decided not to say at the last minute. It couldn’t help but leave a little hollow part in Tony’s chest as he watched Bucky leave, one that had nothing to do with the removal of the arc reactor.

That was how Tony knew that he had it bad. He wanted Bucky to come to him with everything, to let him in the way Tony had let him in to his workshop and had admitted to still having nightmares about Afghanistan and the Portal. The way he had let Rhodey in when he was smitten in college and drunk enough to admit feelings he knew weren’t reciprocated. The way he had let Pepper in before they decided they were better off as friends. Tony had let Bucky in and Bucky wasn’t doing the same. He wasn’t surprised really, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

*****

Time passed and Tony learned to hide his feelings the same way he always did. It was easy to return to his past of self-loathing. He did his best to act normal around Bucky because Bucky didn’t deserve having to deal with Tony’s shortcomings. He didn’t comment on their talk when he worked on upgrading the arm. He didn’t try to ask Bucky about his eating habits. Tony had always excelled at denial and this was no different.

Until Tony got drunk.

Tony knew it was completely his fault. He had been awake working on designs for upgrade for too long. Thinking about the arm meant he was thinking about Bucky, which led to thinking about his own shortcomings and why he was just too… _Tony_ for anyone to have any sort of long-term romantic feelings for. That was when he thought it would be a good idea to have a drink. He left the workshop and headed to the common floor and the bar he kept well stocked there.

He was half a bottle of his favorite whiskey down when he decided he wanted answers. Despite Friday’s recommendations to get some sleep, Tony grabbed the bottle and headed to Steve’s floor. Luckily there was no Captain Judgey-pants there to tell him to leave Bucky alone, so he headed to Bucky’s suite, surprised to find the door open.

Tony froze when he saw Natasha on the couch, a purring silver-grey cat in her lap. His mouth opened and he glanced down at the bottle to make sure he hadn’t had so much he was seeing things before looking back at Natasha.

“That’s not your couch,” he said dumbly.

The cat on her lap perked up, and upon seeing Tony leaped off the couch and darted down the hallway and out of sight.

Natasha sighed after the cat and muttered something under her breath before turning to Tony with a look of irritation. “Nor is this your bar,” she pointed out.

Tony was still formulating a response when Bucky walked into the room wearing sweatpants and a tank top. Bucky said something to Natasha in Russian, to which she nodded and lifted herself gracefully from the couch. She squeezed Bucky’s right arm gently before heading out the door and closing it softly behind her.

“Did you want to sit down?” Bucky asked, holding himself stiffly.

“I didn’t know you had a cat,” Tony responded as he stepped forward, setting the bottle on the back of the couch. He was a little offended he was just finding out about it now, especially since it was living in his tower. “He can come back. I like cats,” he mused. Not that he would be that surprised that Bucky’s cat wouldn’t like him either. Pets were like their owners like that, right?

Tony moved slowly around to the front of the couch and sat down, setting the bottle on the floor. “Here kitty kitty,” he called before sobering up as he realized the odd look Bucky was giving him.

Bucky sighed and sat down next to Tony.

“That’s because I don’t have a cat,” Bucky admitted. Tony’s brow furrowed. He had definitely just seen a cat.

“I could get you a cat,” he offered anyway. He would get Bucky anything he wanted because Tony just wanted him to be happy. If Tony couldn’t be happy with him, at least he could be happy vicariously through him. Wasn’t that how it worked?

Bucky’s face flushed to a rosy pink that Tony could just make out through the stubble and Tony realized he had said that out loud. Oh.

“I didn’t exactly want to tell you drunk, or at all, but I do mean it,” Tony admitted. If he was going to have his heart on his sleeve he maybe as well be honest about it. He was examining Bucky’s elbow joint when Bucky cleared his throat.

“You might not mean it after I tell you something. It’s kind of a deal-breaker for some people,” Bucky admitted, his blue-grey eyes wide.

“Oh?” Tony asked, shifting to face Bucky more fully. He wasn’t sure there was much that could change his mind about Bucky, but he wanted to show that he was listening, and that Bucky’s emotional wellbeing was important to him.

“Well, I know you’re not the playboy you used to be but you might still want a more physical relationship. You should know that I’m asexual. I mean, I might be able to offer you some… assistance occasionally, but I’m really not interested in sex.”

Tony thought about that for a moment. It made him a little sad, but he still just wanted Bucky to be happy, and it wasn’t as if he had been missing sex when it had been just his hand for the last year or so. He leaned forward to pull Bucky into a hug.

“Thank you for telling me, but that doesn’t really change how I feel about you,” he said, leaning his head on Bucky’s cool, metal shoulder. It felt nice, and he was glad that he had fixed the problem with the plates pinching.

Tony felt Bucky relax into his embrace for a moment before the other man pulled back, a sheepish and somehow even more nervous look on his face.

“That’s not everything,” he admitted. 

Before Tony could ask, Bucky’s form began to shrink and darken until the cat Tony had seen earlier was sitting in front of him on the couch cushions. He had short silvery-grey fur and round, blue eyes. Instead of Bucky’s muscular bulk, this cat was long and lean.

Tony’s mind was going a hundred miles an hour. The cat had all four natural limbs, but the metal arm and his clothes were gone, oh, and Bucky had taken the shape of a cat. He had an incredible urge to figure out how all of it worked even as his mind put together the odd diet and secret disappearances, but he could feel the curious blue eyes on him and he realized he hadn’t said anything.

Tony reached out slowly, holding his hand out near Bucky’s face, giving the cat the opportunity to sniff his hand if he decided he wanted to.

“I did say that I like cats,” he said after a moment of stillness, and Bucky moved forward and pressed into his hand. His silver coat was soft beneath Tony’s fingers. Tony still had a million questions, but for now he was happy to have Bucky purring beneath his fingers.

*****

Tony’s head was pounding in the morning. He was too old to be drinking half bottles of liquor after not sleeping for days. Sitting up slowly, he took a look around the room, remembering that he wasn’t in his penthouse suite. His back ached and he wondered why he had decided to sleep on the couch when he felt a weight on his thighs.

He looked over to see Bucky sitting on his legs, his long silver tail flicking back and forth slowly, his blue eyes watching him intently.

“Good morning,” Tony murmured, reaching forward to pet Bucky only to find that he couldn’t stretch that far. He let out a huff and fell back onto the couch. His heart warmed as he felt Bucky’s small footprints over his body, ending as the cat settled on his chest. Tony smiled and pet him gently for a few minutes. He would enjoy this thoroughly before he ruined it all, but despite all of his rejections in the past, he knew that talking things out really was his best bet at happiness. Or at least his best chance at not ruining the friendship he had with him.

“As much as I’m enjoying this, I do think we should talk about it,” Tony admitted. He and Bucky had talked more than usual, but Tony had been drunk and he still had a lot of questions.

Bucky leapt off his chest and a moment later he was standing in front of the couch in the same clothes he had been wearing last night. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Bucky murmured. He took a seat on the armchair across from Tony. “I might not have a lot of answers for you. Especially for the whole cat thing since I don’t know how or why that happened. 

Tony was disappointed but he tried not to let it show on his face. He didn’t want Bucky to see that considering his feelings for Bucky and hope for the future of their relationship had nothing to do with his scientific interest in Bucky’s shape shifting. Tony sat up to be on eye level with Bucky.

“I want to make sure I remember last night correctly. You do like me romantically but not sexually because you’re asexual?”

Bucky shrugged. “Yeah. I understand if you’re not okay with it now that you’re sober,” he seemed to hesitate for a moment before squaring his jaw and continuing. “Especially considering I’m in this for the long haul. I don’t just want this to be two friends helping each other out. I might be willing to lend a hand or more because I like you being happy, but I can’t guarantee it. I might never want to.”

Tony shook his head. “I haven’t been very good at long-term relationship so far, but I haven’t dated you either. Of course I still want you, still want to try and see where this goes. You should know that I’m still a very sexual person. I’ll try to be good but obviously I’ll need you to tell me how you feel about things and what you want from me physically or sensually so I can make you feel good without it being sexual.”

“I think we can manage that,” Bucky said with a chuckle. “You should know that I do enjoy spending time in my other form. It helps me de-stress, and fingers in my fur feel good.”

Patting the couch cushion next to him invitingly, Tony smiled. “Like I said, I like cats. I think we can manage that.”

Bucky smiled, and a moment later, he was curled up against Tony’s legs, purring as calloused fingers scratched his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it! 
> 
> For those of you wondering, I've modelled Bucky's cat form after a Russian Blue, both because I think the breed name is cheeky with Bucky's past and because I think they're beautiful cats.
> 
> I've also made Bucky more of a sex positive asexual and based his ideas off of my own feelings as a person who identifies as asexual. I know that there are shades of grey within asexual identifying people and this is only one of them. Please don't take this as a representation for all people who identify as ace.


End file.
